So I'm beginning to wish I were married to a garbage collector...or a contstruction worker...or someone who did something rather mundane that could be a 9 to 5 job. I'll bet the hourly pay would be much better, and I wouldn't be surprised if the overall salary were better either. And I can't imagine that talk of garbage or construction would dominate our lives, or that people would come up with such a variety of creative excuses for missing work (and if they did, well...who cares?!), or that the system in place would bow to the whims and wishes of one half-crazy employee, just because he or she has "always been like that." A garbage collector's Thursday work probably wouldn't be interrupted, forcing him to go back on Saturday afternoon--his day off--to finish the job that the garbage wouldn't let him finish on Thursday. A construction worker's day off on Friday wouldn't have to be traded for working on Saturday, but would really and truly be a day off--or if it did, he'd at least make overtime pay for the work. And his vacation days that were "left over" at the end of the year wouldn't just disappear, but might be bought back, or possibly carry over. After all, what's the point of taking vacation at all when you're always on call anyway? If I were married to a garbage collector or a construction worker, I'll bet we could even sleep in on Sunday mornings if we really needed or wanted to, or have an occasional weekend getaway like a "normal" family. We could enjoy lazy Sunday afternoons at home, and have Sunday supper together before the week begins again. If only he were a garbage collector or a construction worker.
Then again, I guess the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. I probably would be miserable as the wife of a garbage collector or construction worker. I doubt life would be any easier, and probably even harder. I'm just really caught up on how incredibly stuck I feel on THIS side of the fence today, that's all.
I hope it's okay to curse God, to be really angry at God, because right now I am. Damn this call.
3 comments:
it is ok, and i'm right there with you - for my own call and for kevin and for anyone else in this hard life.
Amen Jill!!!
You echo the words and feelings of Jacob, Moses, the Psalmist, the author of Lamentations, Jeremiah, Jonah, Naomi, Peter, Thomas, Paul and Jesus...and Reformers like Luther and Calvin.
And as Fredick Buechner says, "Doubt is the ants-in-the-pants of faith, it keeps it alive and moving!"
ditto, ditto, ditto. being a minister is a calling, as is being a minister's spouse. but it's not always easy. as much as i love my husband and our church i am human. and i can get angry and even jealous of the time he has to spend away from us. when i look across the dinner table (at least 3-4 nights a week) and his seat is empty because he had a meeting or got called away. or when he is gone for a week at a time for a retreat (and of course me or one of the kids will ALWAYS get sick when he is gone). or when he comes home completely emotionally drained. this calling involves a lot of sacrifices, that i'm happy to make...most of the time. but, i love my husband and my family, and there are times when i miss him, the kids miss him, and i'm only human, so yes, i get mad at God too. when my mother-in-law (who is also a minister) found out her son was going into the ministry she cried, and cursed God for taking him too.
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