For over forty years, I sang Christmas hymns standing next to my mom's strong, sure alto voice. She was harmony when my range called for melody. She would often sing melody if my harmony was solid. I followed her lead when the alto part was just a bit too hard for me to carry on my own. And I loved it best when we could both sing the alto part confidently together.
Tonight, we sang Joy to the World as the closing song of the Christmas program at Rehoboth. I know the alto part for this hymn. But I couldn't do it tonight. There was no harmony for my melody. And as confident as I was with the harmony, all I could hear was the overwhelming absence of her voice beside me. As everyone around me sang of joy, of heav'n and nature singing, and of the glories of God's righteousness, I stood there silently, with tears streaming down my face.
Is it January yet?
4 comments:
(((Jill)))
for some songs, this never gets any better. for others, there's hope. thinking of you in the midst of the oppressive cheer of december.
Oh honey I'm so so sorry. Grief is never a welcome companion and this time of year even less so. But there's no way around it except through it, and that you are doing. I'm proud of you for sharing these feelings you are having. And I know your mama was up there singing along with you... every note.
Jill--your mom and my sister are up there singing us through this season. It will be January soon.
I find December to be the hardest time, but also the sweetest. After all, I have more memories around Christmas (the music, the smells, the feel of the air) and memories more vivid than those of any other time of the year. It gives me some lasting moments with those precious ones who couldn't stay.
Feelings get all mixed up sometimes. But love is in there, along with hope.
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